Dear Susan,
My eleven-year-old son has always been very active. He plays soccer, takes violin lessons, and karate, swims and goes to Scouts. But lately he seems to be tired and cranky and is resisting all his previous activities. He says he just wants to hang around with his friends. We are an active family and my husband and I want to give him every opportunity. We are a bit worried that if we allow him to ‘drop out’ of his activities he will think that quitting is okay and end up getting into trouble as a teenager. What do you think?
Ginger, London
Dear Ginger,
While I definitely agree that children who are engaged in learning and have hobbies and interests are less likely to get into ‘trouble’, is it possible that your son has been over-scheduled and enrolled in too many activities? Often parents feel that they are not being good parents if their kids aren’t in all kinds of classes. This can lead to children feeling pressure to achieve, and to be competitive. Some children do not function as well with so many responsibilities and can develop stress disorders. As parents, we may think that when our children grow up, they will remember all the wonderful activities that they were exposed to. But a child who is structured and busy six days a week, may only remember the pressure and anxiety of having to get up and get going to the next activity!
Balance is the key.
Kids need time to play in a natural, creative way Allowing kids time for unstructured play allows children to pursue their interests, express their personalities and gives them the freedom to learn how to structure their own time. When their lives are dominated by adult-organized activities, there may be little time left to just be kids.
Family Relationships
Children need downtime with parents. Between school and work, there is often little opportunity to relax, cuddle, discuss, ask questions, talk, read, play games and just hang out. Families that are constantly running from one extracurricular activity to the next have little opportunity for these experiences.
Extended-Family Relationships
Kids need contact with extended family and friends. Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and good family friends can give children a sense of who they are as well as a network of social support. Children whose calendars are filled with extracurricular activities may have trouble finding time for these relationships.
Creativity and Self-Awareness
Children need time to read, write, think, dream, draw, build, create, fantasize and explore special interests. Creativity takes time and promotes self-awareness by helping children discover who they are and what they are truly interested in. Children who are involved in too many programmed activities may have little time for these experiments in self-growth. Talk to your son about why he has lost interest in his previous activities. It may not be an issue of ‘quitting’ or becoming a ‘drop out’, but rather one of finding balance and identity as he enters his pre-teen years.